Hearing God's Voice Vs. Obeying God's Voice

Do you ever feel like there's a battle going on between hearing and obeying???

I feel like God was talking to me yesterday. I was reminded that while I am learning so much out here and God is showing me so much, I still have a ton to learn.

Second service came at 11:30 am. One of the students in the School of Worship showed up to just second service and I noticed that he was sitting by himself and quiet. Now usually this guy is very upbeat and loud. So I knew that something was wrong and I strongly felt God say, "Go give him a hug and say hi." That's it. God didn't give me these amazing words of strength or anything that I should have been worried. Just a hug and a Hi.... And I tried to find every excuse not to: Church was about to start, someone else was talking to him... etc. Stupid stuff. So we went through church and I thought about it. I still felt like God was telling me to do something. And what did I do? I left church. I went home... I took a nap.. I worked on homework. Then when it was time to go to sleep, guess what I couldn't do. Yup. Sleep.

I was so tired but I couldn't actually sleep. I stayed awake for hours trying to sleep... and then it hit me.

So I stopped and said, "Ok, God. I'll pray." I had no idea what was going on in this guy's life, but I just began to pray. At one o'clock in the morning I laid in bed and prayed for this guy, I prayed for his family, and his friends. I prayed for everything that I could think of, and I asked God to give me the words to pray.

And as soon as I said "Amen". I fell asleep.

We started class today with prayer and we found out that this guy had a death in the family. He was flying home this week to attend the funeral.

God began to speak to me during class. Why was I so hesitant to do what God had called me to do. Especially since it was an easy thing. I talk to this guy and I give him hugs pretty frequently, so why was this so hard!!! I followed God all the way to colorado!!!! Why was this harder!

I know that I'm still learning so much, so please keep me in your prayers. I'm very excited that I'm hearing God's voice, cause for a while there I felt like I couldn't. Pray that God will continue to do this and that I will be more willing to follow what he is telling me.

On a much lighter note, I have just experienced some of the most beautiful days of my life. It all started on Thursday when it snowed! There was ice on everything! I had to buy an ice scraper and one morning I spent 20 mins scraping inches of ice off of my car. I had to drive to church on Sunday in ice and slush. And while almost everyone was hating the weather, I took it all in. If I wasn't so freezing cold, I would have sat outside and just watched!

I posted a ton of pics on facebook, so you can check it out there: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=117587&id=672780372&l=d71a082738

He remembers all....

So last night I had a dream. It was about something that I don't always dream of. And it reminded me of something that breaks my heart.

My Brother.....

Sometime I so wish that my brother could be here and witness everything that is happening in mine and mom's life. I wonder sometimes what he would of thought of me moving out to Colorado. I know that ultimately he would have been proud of me.

But the thing that breaks my heart isn't that I miss him. (obviously I do) but what hurts the most are the days that I lay down in bed and realize that, for that day, I didn't miss him. I didn't think of him. Those are the days that make me cry at night. I never want to forget my brother. He was a huge part of my life. But with all the busyness of my life, there are days that I lay down and realize that he wasn't in my thoughts. I think that is why I dreamt of him last night. I think somehow God was trying to tell me that it's ok.

He gave me this dream of him that portrayed his love for his family. It was me and my mom and my brother. We were driving around somewhere, doing some shopping, and he was so worried about us spending too much money on stuff. It wasn't a deeply moving dream, but it was a reminder to me of who he was and who God created him to be. Sometimes I need that, because (while I hate to admit it) I forget the kind of person he was sometimes. I forget what his smile looked like or what his voice sounded like when he laughed. I find myself now relying on God to remind me of my brother. I've always been so worried about forgetting him.

After the funeral, I remember wanting to keep his voicemail on his cell phone so that I wouldn't forget what his voice sounded like. Eventually I had to let that go, but last night was a reminder to me that I don't need to worry about that. God can and will continually remind me of who my brother was. He didn't create him and allow him to leave this earth just so in ten years I would forget about it all. He's going to give me dreams of him and that will remind me of how great he was and how much I miss him.

On a lighter note, all things are good here. I'm praying desperately that God will supply me with a job today. I have an interview at Macy's this afternoon, so pray that God's will be done. That's really all I ask. :)

Love you all, and can't wait to see you at Thanksgiving!!!

Jess