God Gave Me Voice, I Should Probably Use It.

I've had a very emotional week. 


The sad part is, is that the stuff that is making me emotional isn't even directly happening to me. 


One of my very best friends has a mom who is battling pancreatic cancer. She called me on Thursday and basically said that her mom is at the end of it, that she's ready to go home to Jesus and my friend has had to say her goodbyes. 


And then there's a man in the church who is battling lung cancer. This man would stand at the back of our church and after every set on a Sunday morning would look at me, smile, hug me and say "Keep On Singing!!", and I would smile, hug him back and say, "I Will!!!"


Neither people are super close to me. I've only met my mom's friend once, but I spent an entire 40 minute drive home from work crying my eyes out thinking about all of this. On this drive I cried out to God. 
I've been struggling with not knowing what to say. The thing is, I've been there. I know that there are no words. There is absolutely nothing that I can possible say that will ease even a little bit of the pain that these families are feeling. So I asked God on my way home that day...


"What can I do??, I need to know what to do. I can't just sit here, and cry about this!! I need to do something!!!"


And God was silent. 


Until Friday morning when I climbed in my car at 5:40am and plugged in my iPod and heard Hillsong United's "Soon" start. And then He said

"This is what you can do. It's what you do every Sunday and Wednesday. You lead them to me. You pave the way to my feet, where they can lay everything. You need to record this song."


I had already been wanting to record "Amazing Grace" cause that is what Jack's favorite song was, and he always wanted me to sing it, and I wanted him to have that in this time. So I went home and locked myself in my room for the a day and half and I recorded these songs. 


I put them and a few other things I have recorded on a CD and gave it to Jack's Family to listen to. 


See God gave me a voice. And even after all this time of leading worship, I'm still learning the reason's he gave it to me. He is still reminding me of why I was created this way. 


I live to worship. It's what I was created to do. It's in my DNA. And I plan to spend my life helping people live the same way.  


For now, if this is all I can offer, I know that it will be enough, cause God will make it enough. 


Enjoy these two recordings, they aren't the best, but it's my worship. So it doesn't need to be. 


"Soon" - Hillsong United



"Amazing Grace (Chains Are Gone) - Chris Tomlin

I Love My Church Family.

A few weeks ago, on a Sunday morning, an announcement was made in my church.

Jessica is leaving Lifegate.

I promise, it wasn't as abrupt as it sounds. And this decision was not made lightly. I've spent about a year thinking about it and about 5 months praying about the actual decision and through all of those prayers, God said, "Yes, its time."

And then I prayed again, "God, are you sure? Cause I'm thinking I should stay."

God: "Jess it's time to go."

Me: "Are you positive?"

God: "Yes"

Me: "But.."

God: "Jessica"

Me: "Ok fine."

Not really. But there were definitely times that I questioned whether this was really the right thing for me to do.

I've been attending Lifegate (The Church Formerly Known as 'Downey Ave. Foursquare Church) since I was 8. That's 17 years!! 17 years!! This church is my family. I've spent most of my week and weekends with them. I've laughed with them, I've cried with and for them, and Lord knows that I've fought with them. I've been taught, disciplined, and mentored. I've made friends, lost friends, watched people get married, and attended funerals. I've taught kids church and worked in the nursery, I've been a youth and taught the youth. I've worshipped. I've spent 17 of my 25 years of life there. So yeah. I didn't want to leave. But sometimes God's plan isn't always what our flesh feels comfortable with.

So what am I doing?? Where am I going?? And how did I get there?

I'm doing something that I never ever, EVER thought I'd be doing. I'm church planting. Brian and Laura Warth are two leaders that I've known for a while through my mom and Mike. They've been greatly anointed and called to start a church right here in Paramount. They've been absolutely blessed by God through this journey.

They started a home bible study in March of 2011, and asked if I would just lead some short acoustic worship for them every week. At the time I wasn't working and they were paying. So I said yes. (that sounds horrible)

I was privileged to watch the group attendance grow and grow. Sometime that summer Brian had emailed me and basically said "Just so you know, we're going to be offering you the worship leader position. So just be ready" (His favorite saying.)

I was already talking to God about where I was and what he was calling me to do, so that email made me nervous. Flash forward to November and I find myself sitting with Brian and Laura as they officially share the vision of the church and their vision for the worship leader role.

And they offer me the position. And give me 3 months to decide.

**Enter lots of worship music, praying, crying, praying, and more worship music**

I don't thinking I've ever prayed for something so hard before in my life. Not even when I went to Colorado.
In this time I also met with Pastor Larry and told him about the offer and asked for prayer, cause this was not going to easy.

Flash forward again to Feb. 2012. And I find myself in another meeting with ALL of my pastors telling them that I decided to officially accept the position.

That's the story. There are way more stories, and conversations with God. If you want to more, text me. :)

In October 2012, Chapel of Change Christian Fellowship will be launching a brand new church in the city of Paramount.

And I will be their worship leader.
My last official Sunday at Lifegate will be July 1st. I'm sooo excited about this new chapter of my life, and still very sad about leaving my family. I wont' be far. I'm not moving my house and I will still come around! But I will absolutely miss worshipping with all of you. My heart just about leaps out of my chest when I hear you guys worshipping and singing and crying out to God. I know that God is going to bless you all with a worship leader who's heart is in-tune with God's. I pray that you would continue to worship with desperation, and live a life of worship.

We will be having a "Farewell Party" for me! I can't wait to spend sometime with all my church family. And if I haven't seen you in a while and you'd like to come!!! DO it!!  :)