Resolutions? No.

Two more days till the New Year. I've never been the person that really thought about the year that's about to end and processed and reflected on the things that happened. And then took the time to really think about the next year.

This year I want to take the time to do this. And tonight as I started to do that, I realized something. Last year, without even realizing it. I made plans. I started to year with my own ideas of how 2010 was going to go.

Lets reflect....

At the beginning of this year, I new that I would be leaving Colorado and moving back to California with direction on how I would be involved in ministry back at Lifegate. I was going to be deeply involved in ministry and God was going to totally rock our church in a great way by the end of this year. I was going to have a GREAT job that paid really well so that I could save up enough money to be able to move back out of my mom's house and into my own place and really be an adult! I was going to have a great boyfriend whom I could share this amazing relationship with.

Now would you like to hear how my plans worked out?

I did move from Colorado, back to California and I am involved in ministry. But my plans for the way it would be going are much different than where it is now. It really has nothing to do with the ministry and is more about where I saw myself. Myself, as a minister is not where I wanted to be. That amazing job that I spoke about? Yeah that doesn't exactly exist. Not yet at least. And saving money so I could move out? I'm more in debt than I have ever been in my life (which is small to most, but still...) That boyfriend that I should at least be in the process of discussing marriage with, yeah I haven't found him yet.

So what does this all say about the plans that I make?

yeeeeeeeeeeah. about that.

This year I don't want to make plans. I don't want to go into 2011 with pre-conceived ideas of what the year will bring. I can't figure out if that's a good concept to have. Is it irresponsible for me to go into the year that way?

I don't know, but I don't want a repeat of this past year. So instead I'm choosing to let the plans that God has take priority. In every part of my life; my ministry, my job, my financial status, my relationships and friendships. That is my only plan.

I have been thinking of some "New Years Resolutions" which I don't want to think of as resolutions, cause does anyone actually follow through with those? I just want to call them, "Things I REALLY need to work on in 2011"

1. Read more - but I want to read challenging stuff. Stuff that really works my brain and breaks me out of my comfort zone. Classics, plays, poetry.. etc.

2. Learn to play guitar. (nuff said)

3. Become more sociable with people - This is a BIG one! I've realized that I am awkward around new people. I don't know how to socialize with people that I don't know. I've never been the outgoing type who throws myself into conversations. While I was in Colorado I learned how to be content on my own. To be alone, and to be comfortable with that. I think now that I'm home I've taken it to the other extreme. And I prefer to be alone. I'd much rather spend my days alone in my room then to go out with a group of people.

4. Write More - Just in general. Journaling, writing songs, letters. Whatever will get me writing.

Those are a few of the things I'm working on this next year.

What are the things you'll be working on in 2011? I'd love to hear about them!

Writing, Writing, Writing....

I've been writing a lot lately. I would love to be able to say that I'm writing songs and I'll have somewhat of a record out soon. I would love to say that... but I can't. I can't even say that I have one song written. But here is what I can say. I can say that I have A LOT of ideas down on paper/white board/mirror. I have full size closet mirrors and they are covered in white board markers! lol I find I write better that way. I feel like I'm coming up on moments that God is going to start giving me words for songs. My heart's desire is to be able to write worship music and share it with whoever will listen. My heart's desire is to write songs that will open people up to God's presence. Songs that will allow God to completely wreck people's lives in ways that only he can! Even as I write this I get soooo excited for God to swoop in and use me in whatever crazy ways he has planned.

The only way I feel like I can be ready for that is to just write. Anything that comes into my mind, I quickly write down. I've been journaling more in the last few months than I have in my entire life.

*Quick note on that.*

I've never been one to consistently journal. Ever. But in High School, when I was going through hard times, either dealing with the loss of my brother, or dealing with the teenage heartbreak from a boy, I would sit in class and I would write. Whatever pain or anger my heart was feeling, would come out in those writings. Since I was never someone who could express those feelings by way of my mouth, I would write them all down. And I would lock them up in a box somewhere cause I just knew that one day I would be able to look back at those and see how I had grown and realize what I learned. Last Wednesday I was able to read over some stuff from then, and I was able to take parts of it and use it in another part of a song. It was another reason for me to be completely open to whatever God has planned for me in the next few months/years/lifetime. It also makes me more motivated to write now, so that I can look back in a few years at these moments in my life and use them all over again!

I know that my last few posts have been about my baking life and all the fun I'm having with that. Please know that God is still working in my life, I'm still living my life in his footsteps as best as I know how.

Keep me in prayer as I'm work on my writing. Please pray that God will give me ideas and words to songs that will speak for him. That's all I'll ever want in my music.

I love all of you so much.

*Jess*

P.s. - I heard something today that stuck with me. Of course I wrote it down on my handy-dandy white board mirror. :) For those of you like me who can't always speak the write words:

"Sometimes people write what they can't say"

Write away people. Write away.