These last two days have probably been the hardest days I've had to endure. I wish that I could illustrate everything that we had to go through this week in complete detail, but I don't think I can. I will try to recall it for you as best as possible.
We started our retreat in our groups. I am teamed with 7 other people that I have never met before coming to Colorado. I think it was a "God" thing, because not even the girls that I have been hanging out with are on this team. That should have been my first clue that God was trying to speak to me.
Anyways, we started off the low ropes activity with something that seemed simple. One person had to stand in the middle of a tight circle created by the other people on your team. All you had to do was lean toward them and let them gently push you around the circle. I was one of the last people to go and even though it sounds simple, it was so hard. To close your eyes and just trust that these people weren't going to let you fall, was a hard task, especially for just meeting them. We all accomplished the task and I was ready to move on...
That was, at least until they told us what the next one was.....
When I was younger we used to play that game "Light as a feather, stiff as a board". One person would lay on the ground and other people would stand on the sides of them and put their hands under the person's body. Slowly they would lift you off the ground and lift as high as they could. Now as a kid this was easy for two reasons: 1. As a kid you put a lot more trust in people 2. You were a lot lighter in weight than you are now!
I was seriously thinking of just telling my team that I didn't feel comfortable doing this. In my head I'm thinking "There is no way that these people are going to be lifting me above their heads (which, by the way, was what we had to do.) But I quickly remembered that when I came out here I told God that I wanted to him to change me in some way, and I was quickly reminded that this was part of that process. So I laid on the floor and trusted my team to pick me up off the ground and back down to the ground. Success!!!!
After this, we had another task ahead of us. It was called "Magic Shoes" In this task we had to find a way to get all 8 members of our team from one log to another. The catch? The space between the two logs was "Molten Hot Lava!" We only had one pair of magic shoes and only one person could wear them at a time. So we gave ourselves 25 minutes to complete this one. As we started to strategize how we were going to do this, we figured out that we were going to have to carry people on our backs...and some even had to carry people on their feet. This was where I realized that I'm a lot stronger than I think. I carried two girls on my body and walked from one log to another. And this was also where our team got really close! We had to literally carry each other across these two logs and get everyone to the other side safely. We tried twice and this one, sadly, we did not succeed at :(
After this we had to blindfold ourselves and walk in a line, holding each others shoulders, to the next activity. We had to rely on each other to know where to go and which obstacles were in the way. This is where the title of my blog comes in. We memorized and repeated Proverbs 3:5-6 while we walked to the next location.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and we will make your paths straight."
Our blindfolded walk, led us to our next activity. A rope hanging from a wire in the trees, two platforms and a full open water bottle. The object? To get all of your team mates and the full open water bottle to the other side, only by swinging on the rope. Now I wish I could have taken a picture of the platform so you could see how impossible this was going to be with 8 people. We managed to complete this task, but it was not easy. There were people falling off the platform which led to either one person being blindfolded through the whole activity, or the whole team doing push-ups and sit-ups (by the way we had two "blind" people
and one "mute"
and we had to do some sit-ups and push-ups) So you can see how hard this task was. This one activity was pretty hard for me. Unfortunately I am short, so the platform that we were standing on was not tall enough to allow me to get on the rope and swing over without falling. I discovered this by trying twice and falling twice! We asked our leader if we could add a platform so that I could have a few more inches to climb onto the rope. He told us no and we should try to get creative. So this very awesome guy Brandon decides that I should just use him as an extra platform. So he got on his hands and knees and told me to stand on his back!!! That's what I call dedication, people!
We had to again walk to the next activity blindfolded but this time it was in a circle. Again, we needed to rely on each other to communicate what obstacles were in the way.
This led us to our final activity. The Trust Fall. Most of you know exactly what this is, but for those who don't. Each of us had to stand on a lifted platform probably about 5 feet off the ground and fall backwards onto the hands of our team. When I first saw the platform that we would be falling off of, I freaked out for a second.
As my turn came and I climbed to the top of the platform, I remembered something. I remembered all the events that we, as a team had completed. Starting in the very beginning with them lifting me off the ground. Did they let me fall? No. Walking from one log to another. Did they tell me that I couldn't do it? No. Swinging from platform to platform, did they laugh when I fell. Or just tell me to give up? No. Walking from each activity, did they just let me walk through bushes and trip over tree branches sticking out of the ground? No.
Why in the world did I now feel like they would let me hit the ground when I fell?
So I climbed that platform and while still very nervous about eating dirt, I fell backwards. And guess what? The caught me!
Earlier I wrote the verse that we memorized and said while we were walking .
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and we will make your paths straight."
Trusting God is one thing. Trusting people?? That's a lot harder for me. But here's the thing I learned this week, trusting God with all your heart, means trusting the people that he has placed in your life. Whether you know them or not. God does. He knew exactly what he was doing when he placed me in a group full of people that I didn't know at all. He knew that this full day of activities would push me to learn this lesson.
I'm asking and expecting God to change me as a person. I'm slowly realizing that I am so far away from totally abandoning myself to him. I have so far to go, but this week made me realize that as long as I am attentive to his voice and willing to do things that bring me out of my comfort zone, it really will make it easier for him to come in a take over.
I've always thought that I had already been broken, that I was broken beyond measure and just waiting for God to come in and repair and restore like only he can. But I'm not. I still have so much more breaking to go through. But I am not scared. I know it will be hard, but I also know that God will never give me too much to handle. He proved that to me yesterday...
I know this was long, and if you stuck through and made it to the end, thank you. It means so much to me that you are interested in what God is doing in my life. Thank you for being supportive in all the ways that you are. Keep coming back. I'm sure I will be posting again soon.
Love and miss you all,
Jess
