"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

It's Been A Long Time

I know.

I know.

It's been a long time.

I had a great time during Spring Break. First having Shane here for the weekend, then flying back to Cali and spending an amazing week there. Before going home that week I had really been praying about what the next chapter in my life would be. In fact this is something that I had been praying about since being home for Christmas.

If I'm totally honest when I came out here, 90% of me had no intention of coming home. I thought that this was going to be the season of my life that God would have me grow and take me somewhere unexpected and unknown. That was exciting to me.

So when I started praying and asking God what his plan was. He began to ask me a question, and at first I pretended that I didn't hear it. Because at first it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

He asked, "If I send you back to California, will you go?"

See, I've always said since I was younger that I never wanted to live in California for all of my life. And I believe that God knows that. So when he asked me if I would be willing to go back, I was... well, not happy.

But then I really started to think about it. I remembered an entry that I wrote at the beginning of this year when we had our retreat.

"But I quickly remembered that when I came out here I told God that I wanted to him to change me in some way..."

-"Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart..." 9/8/09

Ohhhh Why had I said that???? haha.

The truth is God has changed me. I have a greater relationship with God than I've ever had. I have learned who he is and a little bit about the way that he works. I couldn't imagine telling God, "Well, I know I followed You out to Colorado, and You have provided for me this entire time, but You know I'm going to make this decision on my own and I don't really need your help." Yeah, there is no way I was telling God that. So I did the only thing I really could do, and once I said it, I realized that it's something that I really wanted.

"God, I'll go wherever You take me."

"I want You to go to California." Is how he answered.

He began to give me many reasons why I needed to go back, back to my home church. He began to show me people, and I began to start praying for those people and for Lifegate in general. He began to give me amazing visions of the work that he's going to do and how he's going to use me.

So, I met with Pastors on spring break and I'm officially heading back to Lifegate and continuing to be apart of that congregation. I have such a peace about this and know that God is going to continue to do amazing things. I'm excited.

And at the very same time, I'm so very sad to leave this place. I never imagined that I would ever feel this way about leaving. I never imagined that I would love this place so much. I've made amazing friends that I know will last a lifetime. These girls have literally made this year something that I never could have dreamt of. Leaving them is going to be sooo hard!!! But I know that God has given me such great friends for a reason. And that's what will make this a little less painful to drive away from. I'm hoping at some point they will all come to California and be able to meet the people in my life back home.

This year hasn't come without it's struggles. For all of us. Please keep us all in your prayers. As we finish off this last module, pray that we have the strength to push through and finish strong. Pray that God will constantly be speaking to us and telling us what our next steps should be.

Pray for me. I'm moving out of the house that I'm living in now for certain reasons and I am still looking for a new place to live. I've got a few options, I'm just really praying about which one to take. Just pray that wherever it is, it will be a place that will help make my last month here a great one.

Did you read that correctly??? My last month. Yup... I've got a little more than a month left here in Colorado. :) I just want to smile.

I love you all. In case I don't get time to write here again before heading home, I want to say thank you. Thank you for going on this journey with me. Thank you for all of the prayers and financial support, kind words, packages, and cards. I truly could not have done this year without all of you.

See you all soon.

Funny Times

So it's been sooo long since my last post! And while most of these entries have been extremely serious I've decided to post some fun ones too. I spent all day Sunday with some of the greatest friends I could have ever hoped to have. We ate TONS of food and watched a movie and watched videos on YouTube. So.... I've decided to post the videos here.. I'm really hoping these post right. If not then I will just post the web links and they will take you right to them. I really wish that one day everyone back home will be able to meet Kayla, Brianne and Lara. I know all of you would LOVE them!!!

Anyways, I hope you enjoy these videos. We literally laughed for like an hour!!!

Dangit.... It won't let me post the actual videos! So here are the links!

Jumping Jacks Fail - Just watch the guys doing jumping jacks. As Lara would say : "Some people are super good at life" haha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5W58LoiSEQ

Jesus Is My Friend - This needs no introduction whatsoever, just watch and laugh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8

Sleepwalking Dog - I really want a dog just so I can hope that it does this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LzMAXqu8qU

Despicable Me Trailer - This is for a new movie coming out in July. I'm definitely going to watch it!!! Enjoy the minions!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo9-bcbLn1Q

Drunken Squirrel - Poor little squirrel! I just feel bad for him, and yet I still laughed for a very long time!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0so5er4X3dc

Hope you enjoyed!!!

He Holds It All Together.

So this is kind of a hard one to write. I've been wrestling with questions that I have for God lately. I've only been back from California for four days and yet in those four days, I feel like I have lost sight of what God is doing and planning for my life. I came out to Colorado with this insane vision of what God was doing in my life, and yet somehow in the matter of a few weeks I've lost that vision. I find myself asking God, "What the heck am I doing here?" People keep asking what my plan is after school. Am I going back home? Am I going to another church in another state?? Am I staying in Colorado?

And all I can say is.... I'll go wherever God takes me. And while that still is true, I find myself getting angry with God for not giving me direction. For not showing me where he is taking me. And because of this I find that I'm not getting closer to him. I'm pushing him away. And it hurts so bad to know that I'm pushing the only person who knows me better than anyone away.

And yet, through all this I still cling to his promises, his faithfulness, his strength, his mercy, his grace, his power, his love, his comfort... And I try to remember that he holds it all together. No matter what happens, my God has his hands in it all.

Psalm 104:7-9

"At Your command, the water fled;

at the sound of Your thunder, it hurried away.

Mountains rose and valleys sank

to the levels You decreed.

Then You set a firm boundary for the seas,

so they would never again cover the earth."

I'm taking a songwriting class this module. The word intimidated doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling about this class already. I've got to write three of my own songs by March... The first one is due in the next couple of weeks. Songwriting has never been something that just comes to me. Trust me. I've tried, multiple times to sit and write... and nothing ever comes. So please just join me in praying that God will give me words and that I will have confidence in knowing that he is the one who is giving them to me.

I love all of you..

Home is....

When I arrived in Colorado Springs, I spent the first couple of weeks trying to figure out where home was. I was born and raised in California, but now I was in this new city, where I knew God was going to reveal himself in a whole new way.

I started hanging all of my picture frames. My friends, my family. Before I left California, on one of mine and Carly's MANY trips to Ross, I found this picture frame that said, "There's No Place Like Home". I bought it thinking, "Oh, I know exactly what I'm going to put in here." And when it came time to actually hang it, I went back and forth on what home really was to me. Before I left for Colorado, I moved out of the house that I lived in for 5 years with my mom. I lived with Carly and her family and while they are like my second family, I never felt at home. So what was I to put in this frame? I really felt like God told me, "Just hang the picture frame with nothing in it. I will reveal to you what home is." So the frame has hung on my wall, empty ever since.

I went home for a week for Thanksgiving. And for the first time in a really long time, I felt at home. Not just in the building that I was sleeping in. But with the people. I spent an entire 10 days with what I will always consider my family. I spent those ten days, cooking in the kitchen, laying on the couch, watching tv, talking at the dinner table, actually eating at the dinner table (that never really happened a lot when I was growing up), laughing with each other, crying with each other, and just living. And at the end of the trip, I heard God say, "This is what your home is. Not a location, but being first in the presence of Me and then in the presence of the people I have placed in your life."

Since I was ten years old I've always said that I will NEVER live in California all of my life. So the idea of me leaving and possibly never coming back permanently, was something that I was looking forward to. But something happened over Thanksgiving, I found something in California that I love. I may not love the people driving on the freeway, or the sun 365 days in a row, or not being able to really see the mountains because of the smog, but I came to the point that if God calls me to stay there all of my life, I will be privileged and happy to do it. And if He places me somewhere else, then I'll trust that I will still feel at home, wherever I go.

There was one other thing that I feel like God is still revealing to me. Maybe one day I will share that with you, but at this point he's still working in me. :) Don't you just hang to be left hanging? :)

It was so hard to leave California. I love all of you there and if I didn't get to spend a lot of time with some of you, I am sorry. Please know that I love and care for all of you, and I'm thankful that you are apart of my life.

I'm already counting down the days till I come back: 18 to be exact! :)

Today I had an amazing experience in my Pastoral Ministry class. Instead of having a lecture, we as a class read the entire book of 1 Peter. It's only 5 chapters long, so it didn't take forever, but I have never read a group of passages and felt so moved by the words. For those of you who have never read all of 1 Peter, I encourage you to. Don't read it fast and without regard to what Peter is saying. Read it slowly, and read it out loud. Read it in a few different translations. We read it in the Message paraphrase and it absolutely blew me away.

It's amazing to think that Peter wrote this as a letter to people who were exiled to all the corners of the earth. It's amazing how those words were applied to them and can still be applied to us in our day. My favorite part of this whole book (well, ok there are a few but I will only share one)

1 Peter 3:1-6

1-4The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.

^4-6Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.

I love that one day, when I am married, the Word says that a man will be captivated by my life of holy beauty. This world gives off an impression of what husbands and wives should be, and I gotta tell you, sometimes I'm not impressed. I don't always look forward to being a wife if the worlds vision of what a wife should be, holds true. The portion that I put in bold is my favorite. I won't have to worry about what I look like. If I'm too fat or too skinny, or too short or tall... I won't have to wear pretty jewelry, or make sure that my hair is colored the perfect shade, and I have the perfect cut when I leave the salon. What will matter is my inner disposition. And that is something that even now, I work on. I want God to take hold of me and make me who he wants, that way one day a man will be captivated and it won't be because of what I've done, but because of what God has done in me.

I don't mean to say that I won't care what I look like and dress like a slob and never shower... but it kind of takes the pressure off a little, don't you think? As long as I work to be exactly what God has called me to be.

This entire book is amazing. If ever you are having a bad day or you just need encouraging... read it.. take every word in. Stop every once in a while and just let the words sink into your soul. I promise you'll be amazed once again of how great our God is and with how much he loves you.

After you read, come back here and tell me what you thought. What passages stood out to you? What scriptures gave you goosebumbs? Cause I know there's a few that gave me some!

I love all of you and for those of you in California, I'm looking forward to spending time with you starting next week!!!

Jess

Another Quick update...

Wow... It's been a while.... there has been many things that I want to write about. So much about what I'm learning here at school. So much that I've been learning just through my own personal reading of the bible and other books..... BUT things are SOOO busy right now!!!! I've got a couple days more than two weeks before my first module ends!! I still can't believe it.

Finals and really long paged papers are illuminating with due dates, choir practice is starting Christmas music and I'm soooo ready for a long Thanksgiving break!!! :)

I'm really happy to say that I think I'm doing pretty well in all of my classes. My two speeches for my communication class went great. I got really great feedback back from my teacher and a "A" on both. I passed my 'Christian Growth and Development' midterm with and "A", although I am still waiting to get my midterm back for 'Biblical Foundations of Worship'. So now your wondering, (or at least I would be wondering if I was reading this) "Why are you telling me this, Jess?"

The reason I'm telling you all this is because a lot of you have invested in me coming out here with both your prayers and your money. I need and want you to know that I'm working really hard to make all of you proud. I'm working to get good grades. I didn't move all the way out here to just barely pass. That isn't what I'm striving for and I need you to know that.

I did have a job interview at the YMCA in Monument (which is a town just north of Colorado Springs) It was a group interview and I think it went pretty well. It's working in the "Kids Zone" which is just a program somewhat like a day care that is provided to members of the YMCA while the children's parents workout. It's perfect hours for my schedule and good enough pay. I'm still waiting to hear back from them as to whether I got the job or not so please just keep this in your prayers.

The weather has been absolutely wonderful!!!!! I had my very first two snow days last Wednesday and Thursday. I got to sleep in and snuggle with my pillows and read and watch movies. That's something that I'm not really used to and I've got to say that it has been such a blessing to just spend time with myself. By Friday though, I needed to get out of the house! Me and two of my friends, Kayla and Lara had a sleepover and Saturday morning me and Kayla learned to do Michael Jackson's "Thriller" dance at the YMCA!! hahaha Great Halloween morning!

Thanks again for all of your prayers and comments on facebook. It's so great to know that I have an amazing church family that hasn't forgotten me!!! :)

I'm looking forward to coming home and spending time with all of you.

Love you and I will see you in exactly 16 days!!!!