Resolutions? No.

Two more days till the New Year. I've never been the person that really thought about the year that's about to end and processed and reflected on the things that happened. And then took the time to really think about the next year.

This year I want to take the time to do this. And tonight as I started to do that, I realized something. Last year, without even realizing it. I made plans. I started to year with my own ideas of how 2010 was going to go.

Lets reflect....

At the beginning of this year, I new that I would be leaving Colorado and moving back to California with direction on how I would be involved in ministry back at Lifegate. I was going to be deeply involved in ministry and God was going to totally rock our church in a great way by the end of this year. I was going to have a GREAT job that paid really well so that I could save up enough money to be able to move back out of my mom's house and into my own place and really be an adult! I was going to have a great boyfriend whom I could share this amazing relationship with.

Now would you like to hear how my plans worked out?

I did move from Colorado, back to California and I am involved in ministry. But my plans for the way it would be going are much different than where it is now. It really has nothing to do with the ministry and is more about where I saw myself. Myself, as a minister is not where I wanted to be. That amazing job that I spoke about? Yeah that doesn't exactly exist. Not yet at least. And saving money so I could move out? I'm more in debt than I have ever been in my life (which is small to most, but still...) That boyfriend that I should at least be in the process of discussing marriage with, yeah I haven't found him yet.

So what does this all say about the plans that I make?

yeeeeeeeeeeah. about that.

This year I don't want to make plans. I don't want to go into 2011 with pre-conceived ideas of what the year will bring. I can't figure out if that's a good concept to have. Is it irresponsible for me to go into the year that way?

I don't know, but I don't want a repeat of this past year. So instead I'm choosing to let the plans that God has take priority. In every part of my life; my ministry, my job, my financial status, my relationships and friendships. That is my only plan.

I have been thinking of some "New Years Resolutions" which I don't want to think of as resolutions, cause does anyone actually follow through with those? I just want to call them, "Things I REALLY need to work on in 2011"

1. Read more - but I want to read challenging stuff. Stuff that really works my brain and breaks me out of my comfort zone. Classics, plays, poetry.. etc.

2. Learn to play guitar. (nuff said)

3. Become more sociable with people - This is a BIG one! I've realized that I am awkward around new people. I don't know how to socialize with people that I don't know. I've never been the outgoing type who throws myself into conversations. While I was in Colorado I learned how to be content on my own. To be alone, and to be comfortable with that. I think now that I'm home I've taken it to the other extreme. And I prefer to be alone. I'd much rather spend my days alone in my room then to go out with a group of people.

4. Write More - Just in general. Journaling, writing songs, letters. Whatever will get me writing.

Those are a few of the things I'm working on this next year.

What are the things you'll be working on in 2011? I'd love to hear about them!

Writing, Writing, Writing....

I've been writing a lot lately. I would love to be able to say that I'm writing songs and I'll have somewhat of a record out soon. I would love to say that... but I can't. I can't even say that I have one song written. But here is what I can say. I can say that I have A LOT of ideas down on paper/white board/mirror. I have full size closet mirrors and they are covered in white board markers! lol I find I write better that way. I feel like I'm coming up on moments that God is going to start giving me words for songs. My heart's desire is to be able to write worship music and share it with whoever will listen. My heart's desire is to write songs that will open people up to God's presence. Songs that will allow God to completely wreck people's lives in ways that only he can! Even as I write this I get soooo excited for God to swoop in and use me in whatever crazy ways he has planned.

The only way I feel like I can be ready for that is to just write. Anything that comes into my mind, I quickly write down. I've been journaling more in the last few months than I have in my entire life.

*Quick note on that.*

I've never been one to consistently journal. Ever. But in High School, when I was going through hard times, either dealing with the loss of my brother, or dealing with the teenage heartbreak from a boy, I would sit in class and I would write. Whatever pain or anger my heart was feeling, would come out in those writings. Since I was never someone who could express those feelings by way of my mouth, I would write them all down. And I would lock them up in a box somewhere cause I just knew that one day I would be able to look back at those and see how I had grown and realize what I learned. Last Wednesday I was able to read over some stuff from then, and I was able to take parts of it and use it in another part of a song. It was another reason for me to be completely open to whatever God has planned for me in the next few months/years/lifetime. It also makes me more motivated to write now, so that I can look back in a few years at these moments in my life and use them all over again!

I know that my last few posts have been about my baking life and all the fun I'm having with that. Please know that God is still working in my life, I'm still living my life in his footsteps as best as I know how.

Keep me in prayer as I'm work on my writing. Please pray that God will give me ideas and words to songs that will speak for him. That's all I'll ever want in my music.

I love all of you so much.

*Jess*

P.s. - I heard something today that stuck with me. Of course I wrote it down on my handy-dandy white board mirror. :) For those of you like me who can't always speak the write words:

"Sometimes people write what they can't say"

Write away people. Write away.

Chocolate Cupcakes Take 2!

So one of my first baking blogs started with Chocolate Cupcakes.

Those cupcakes didn't come out so great. And since I had a pretty lazy Sunday I decided to bake!!

I tried Chocolate cupcakes once more and these came out SOOO much better!!

Carly came over and "talked" me into making a Chocolate Cream Pie. (when I say "talked" I mean "agreed to help" :)

I still have some cupcakes so if you would like to be an official taste-tester, send me a message here, on facebook, or on twitter @jessicaleesa

Pumpkin Cupcakes!

It's my favorite time of the year!!

It's the time that the clouds come rolling in (and thankfully, the bi-polar state of California has been getting lots of these this last week) and you are able to drink hot chocolate and curl up in blankets on the couch while your favorite movie plays on the tv.

There is only missing one thing.... something tasty to eat!!!

**enter pumpkin cupcakes**

I found a pumpkin cupcakes recipe online http://www.joyofbaking.com/cupcakes/PumpkinCupcakes.html and just had to try it out. It amazingly doesn't take very much pumpkin puree so I had a TON leftover. You can see how you used that in the next post :)

The frosting actually didn't turn out the way I thought it was, but I think this one complimented the cupcake so much better. I took them to church with me last night to get some free taste testing and people seemed to enjoy them. If you're reading this and you had one of these cupcakes please let me know what you thought.

I sat down with some hot chocolate and my tummy was extremely happy!!

A day in the life of an (amateur) baker...

Going along with my last post on baking and selling holiday baked goods.I wanted to explore the world of baking from complete scratch.

Just admitting this is a bit embarrassing for me. I'm not sure why. But I feel like I've stepped up a level just by saying that I bake everything from scratch.

Anyways... I started with something simple. Just chocolate cupcakes with a buttercream frosting. I'm not entirely sure what happened, But they came out more like brownies. The smell was DELICIOUS and they tasted good, but for some reason the consistency was not right.

Oh well. It looks like I will have to try again. I did take pictures so I'm posting them here. I'll be trying something new this week. Check back in to take a look.

To Bake or Not To Bake?

This is the question...

So with the greatest holidays (in my opinion) coming very soon, I've been throwing around the idea of baking a variety of holidays sweets and selling them.

Maybe some cupcakes, cheesecakes, and muffins in a different holidays flavors like pumpkin, cinnamon, chocolate or peppermint. I haven't really thought it all through yet, but I know there are tons of ideas.

So I

want to know what YOU think!?

Would this be something you would be interested in? Most of you that know me, know that I LOVE to bake, so even if things don't sell much, I know I will enjoy baking and just watching people eat it all. I can truly say that is my strongest passion, aside from my music.

Let me know what you think, and any ideas that you would like to taste :)

Love you all!

P.s. the photos to the right are not my own creations. The Christmas Cupcakes (top right) come from www.pinkcakebox.com and the cute little pie cupcakes (bottom right) come from www.allthingscupcake.com

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

It's Been A Long Time

I know.

I know.

It's been a long time.

I had a great time during Spring Break. First having Shane here for the weekend, then flying back to Cali and spending an amazing week there. Before going home that week I had really been praying about what the next chapter in my life would be. In fact this is something that I had been praying about since being home for Christmas.

If I'm totally honest when I came out here, 90% of me had no intention of coming home. I thought that this was going to be the season of my life that God would have me grow and take me somewhere unexpected and unknown. That was exciting to me.

So when I started praying and asking God what his plan was. He began to ask me a question, and at first I pretended that I didn't hear it. Because at first it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

He asked, "If I send you back to California, will you go?"

See, I've always said since I was younger that I never wanted to live in California for all of my life. And I believe that God knows that. So when he asked me if I would be willing to go back, I was... well, not happy.

But then I really started to think about it. I remembered an entry that I wrote at the beginning of this year when we had our retreat.

"But I quickly remembered that when I came out here I told God that I wanted to him to change me in some way..."

-"Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart..." 9/8/09

Ohhhh Why had I said that???? haha.

The truth is God has changed me. I have a greater relationship with God than I've ever had. I have learned who he is and a little bit about the way that he works. I couldn't imagine telling God, "Well, I know I followed You out to Colorado, and You have provided for me this entire time, but You know I'm going to make this decision on my own and I don't really need your help." Yeah, there is no way I was telling God that. So I did the only thing I really could do, and once I said it, I realized that it's something that I really wanted.

"God, I'll go wherever You take me."

"I want You to go to California." Is how he answered.

He began to give me many reasons why I needed to go back, back to my home church. He began to show me people, and I began to start praying for those people and for Lifegate in general. He began to give me amazing visions of the work that he's going to do and how he's going to use me.

So, I met with Pastors on spring break and I'm officially heading back to Lifegate and continuing to be apart of that congregation. I have such a peace about this and know that God is going to continue to do amazing things. I'm excited.

And at the very same time, I'm so very sad to leave this place. I never imagined that I would ever feel this way about leaving. I never imagined that I would love this place so much. I've made amazing friends that I know will last a lifetime. These girls have literally made this year something that I never could have dreamt of. Leaving them is going to be sooo hard!!! But I know that God has given me such great friends for a reason. And that's what will make this a little less painful to drive away from. I'm hoping at some point they will all come to California and be able to meet the people in my life back home.

This year hasn't come without it's struggles. For all of us. Please keep us all in your prayers. As we finish off this last module, pray that we have the strength to push through and finish strong. Pray that God will constantly be speaking to us and telling us what our next steps should be.

Pray for me. I'm moving out of the house that I'm living in now for certain reasons and I am still looking for a new place to live. I've got a few options, I'm just really praying about which one to take. Just pray that wherever it is, it will be a place that will help make my last month here a great one.

Did you read that correctly??? My last month. Yup... I've got a little more than a month left here in Colorado. :) I just want to smile.

I love you all. In case I don't get time to write here again before heading home, I want to say thank you. Thank you for going on this journey with me. Thank you for all of the prayers and financial support, kind words, packages, and cards. I truly could not have done this year without all of you.

See you all soon.

Funny Times

So it's been sooo long since my last post! And while most of these entries have been extremely serious I've decided to post some fun ones too. I spent all day Sunday with some of the greatest friends I could have ever hoped to have. We ate TONS of food and watched a movie and watched videos on YouTube. So.... I've decided to post the videos here.. I'm really hoping these post right. If not then I will just post the web links and they will take you right to them. I really wish that one day everyone back home will be able to meet Kayla, Brianne and Lara. I know all of you would LOVE them!!!

Anyways, I hope you enjoy these videos. We literally laughed for like an hour!!!

Dangit.... It won't let me post the actual videos! So here are the links!

Jumping Jacks Fail - Just watch the guys doing jumping jacks. As Lara would say : "Some people are super good at life" haha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5W58LoiSEQ

Jesus Is My Friend - This needs no introduction whatsoever, just watch and laugh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8

Sleepwalking Dog - I really want a dog just so I can hope that it does this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LzMAXqu8qU

Despicable Me Trailer - This is for a new movie coming out in July. I'm definitely going to watch it!!! Enjoy the minions!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo9-bcbLn1Q

Drunken Squirrel - Poor little squirrel! I just feel bad for him, and yet I still laughed for a very long time!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0so5er4X3dc

Hope you enjoyed!!!

He Holds It All Together.

So this is kind of a hard one to write. I've been wrestling with questions that I have for God lately. I've only been back from California for four days and yet in those four days, I feel like I have lost sight of what God is doing and planning for my life. I came out to Colorado with this insane vision of what God was doing in my life, and yet somehow in the matter of a few weeks I've lost that vision. I find myself asking God, "What the heck am I doing here?" People keep asking what my plan is after school. Am I going back home? Am I going to another church in another state?? Am I staying in Colorado?

And all I can say is.... I'll go wherever God takes me. And while that still is true, I find myself getting angry with God for not giving me direction. For not showing me where he is taking me. And because of this I find that I'm not getting closer to him. I'm pushing him away. And it hurts so bad to know that I'm pushing the only person who knows me better than anyone away.

And yet, through all this I still cling to his promises, his faithfulness, his strength, his mercy, his grace, his power, his love, his comfort... And I try to remember that he holds it all together. No matter what happens, my God has his hands in it all.

Psalm 104:7-9

"At Your command, the water fled;

at the sound of Your thunder, it hurried away.

Mountains rose and valleys sank

to the levels You decreed.

Then You set a firm boundary for the seas,

so they would never again cover the earth."

I'm taking a songwriting class this module. The word intimidated doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling about this class already. I've got to write three of my own songs by March... The first one is due in the next couple of weeks. Songwriting has never been something that just comes to me. Trust me. I've tried, multiple times to sit and write... and nothing ever comes. So please just join me in praying that God will give me words and that I will have confidence in knowing that he is the one who is giving them to me.

I love all of you..